Follow-up

Today I spent my first half hour at work in correspondence with the "Managing Director" of the company that runs the pschy tests. Basically I had written and said I would be keen to take advantage of the free follow up sessions. The reply back said that this is a 12 month offer and since I had my assessment only last week, and the fact that Mr X is in in huge demand and booked up for months, and only fits in the freebies when there is space, then perhaps could I come back in a couple of months time when there is space - unless I really needed "assistance" urgently. Anyway, following exchange of emails and viola I have an appointmnet on Friday with Mr X for 40 minutes. Every email from the "Managing Director" referred to the "assistance" Mr X could provide. Anyway, about the third email in the "Managing Director" seemed to agree me with me that I did need "urgent assistance".

The last half hour of my day I nearly burst into tears at work. In fact it was quite clear tears were welling up in my eyes and for the hour or so home on the train I had to stop mysefl form crying. Basically I was asked to write a breifing on whether a horse has 4 legs and a tail and instructed to consult with a key external agency on whether a horse hsa 4 legs and a tail. The external agency thanked me for consulting with them for consulting but politely explained that really they were only interested in what they had been asked to do and that was explain that a sheep is woolley animal with four legs. My collegaue then kept asking me to consult the Ministers office on whether a horse has four legs and a tail. I refused.

Then I met with my Manager and colleague. My Manager asked what was my problem consulting about whether a horse has 4 legs and a tail. So I explained that actually I was only relaying the advice form the man who actually looks after horses in my department. So, then I asked why wasn't the man who looks after horses writing the briefing. I was then clearly told it was my sections role to write about this kind of thing. We were providing intelligence and adding value. Well I'm sorry. I do not think so.

Then my manager corresponded with a number of people about my correspondence via email clarifying that my correspondence about the horse with four legs and a tail was really about a brown animal with four legs and tail.

It kind of sums up my issues - no point, low trust ennvironment and completely soul destroying.

It was deeply embarrassing, and has sucked my work spirit completely. c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y.

Finally, after my meeting my manager and colleague had this post meeting. Somehow I need to stop this. I need to position myself so I am the last to leave in the room. Like I so want to say, if you have something to say man have the guts to say it to my face don't have a secondary meeting about when you were the one who told me that the external agency is intersted in whether a horse has four legs and a tail.

I'm not sure what my strategy for tomorrow is.